It has been hectic this week and it upsets me hugely. I have not been able to allocate my usual me time and as a consequence have been unable to give the dedication required for my match report writing. Some say it takes up to six months to get one down, some say a day and for the more gifted, merely a single train ride. But for now, I have
a limited amount of time and thus need to be efficient, coherent and concise. It is going to be hard to not go off the beaten track to much, but in times like these, it is a must.

Writers often draw inspirations from real life experiences and that is what I must do. As I sieve through my brain and decide on the most appropriate drivel. I recall my volunteering stint at the Super Sixes, where I scaled a fence of a derelict car park, witnessed two players get their teeth knocked out, walked past the teams (East Grinstead, Beeston, Reading and Bowden), and consequently measured myself against them. It is however, standing next to the Beeston
goalkeeper that I draw inspiration.

Whilst standing next to this keeper, all 6 ft 5 of him, I recall a match report I had previously read, 'it really bought home to me the reality that I would probably never play for the (Spencer) Men's 1s.' To be honest, I had actually secretly harboured hopes of playing for our Men's 1s. Once we had got past the gender issue, I reckon a jet pack on my back and I could give any of them a run for their money. Anyway, back to reality, as I stood next to this keeper. I actually
realised there and then that I would never play for East Grinstead Men's 1s nor Beeston Men's 1s, in actual fact I would have been happy to make a cameo for Bowden. But I am a realist. I have to face the facts and frankly I will never make the grade for any of these teams nor will I grace Wembley Arena. But I am fine with that, I mean who
would want to partake in such teams when the Gypsy's are filled with so much drama that it makes an episode of Hollyoaks look like the warm up.

Take Saturday, we were up against Epsom, and we expected a rough ride. I understand that it is against match report writing etiquette to dwell too much on the match, but I feel this one deserves it. There were bruises, grazes, lumps, late-comers, flicks, goals, deflections, back chat, cameos and if I remember anymore, I will let you know immediately. It all started well with Tegan (making a cameo appearance) declaring that because she had gone to sleep before 11.30pm that she would be playing rather badly. After her performance, I would quite like to watch her keep having gone to bed after 11.30pm. Where most teams would have found this psychologically damaging, we never feared, as
all our defenders had their tackling boots on, except Caroline, who decided to dust off her shooting boots and stepped up for a penalty flick. 1-0 to us. Dizzy's new fitness corner at training is also paying dividends as the hard work, and closing down eventually paid off with a second goal. 2-0. [A cheeky flick over the keeper from Myra as she is trying to keep it from you!]

Epsom tried to make it interesting by scoring a goal, but other than that Grace spent most of the time on the floor, Becca's arm went a funny shape and could potentially be this year's winner of crab hand award which was previously inaugurated by Jen, El Capitano earned herself a green card for some dubious tackling. I personally would have played advantage...after all, no one wants a stop-start sort of game. All in all, we won 2-1. Hurrah!

Apologies once again for the large amount of hockey, but as I said, this match deserved some report time. I will endeavour to dedicate more match writing time next week and will ensure that there is less hockey. After all, if I am never going to make it as an East Grinstead Men's 1s player then I can at least have a stab at emulating the guru. Maybe journalism school should be my next step!